Tag Archives: relationship

Relationships Matter – Recovery

As far as I can make out it is often the trivial stuff which causes the kind of relationship damage that leads to relationship breakdown. It also appears that it is often the serious stuff that actually cements and strengthens … Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Judgement

Appropriately Articulate Assumptions. Judge others the same way you would like to be judged. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Pain

Emotional pain, or hurt, varies in intensity from the slightly uncomfortable to so searing as to feel unbearable. Blaming others or circumstance for hurt and pain is common. The sole custodian of emotions is the person who owns them and, consequently, ultimately responsible for how they feel. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Blame

In my opinion blame should be avoided at all costs. Most of us are quick to find fault elsewhere and slow to admitting fault in ourselves. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Conflict

Conflict may be described as “a state of opposition between persons or ideas or interests” – Source wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn. Once we have encountered someone they are permanently recorded in our memory and not forgotten unless we suffer some sort of catastrophic, irreversible memory loss. Whenever we encounter someone, however briefly, we establish a relationship that we never really “lose”. It continues to exist in one of four states – Harmony, Triggers, Conflict or Resolution. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Personalities

A key aspect of having effective relationships is the recognition of the multiple personalities within us and within others. In extreme cases these multiple personalities manifest in the form of severe mental illness such as multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia. Fortunately for most of us, experiences of these psychological extremes are rare occurrences. Anybody who has been through severe emotional distress such as denial, anger, grief etc will have experienced these extremes even if just for the briefest of moments. These temporary extremes can be described as altered states which can also be caused by stimulants, relaxants, and depressants (e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, drugs etc). Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Decisions

There only truly wrong decision is deciding not to make a decision. Deciding to do nothing is not always a wrong decision. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Dishonesty

As kids we are taught that we must always tell the truth but when aunty asks mum “does my bum look big in this?” and mum says “no” when in fact it does look big we get confused. We have been introduced to the “white lie”. Another area where we begin being dishonest as kids is that of admitting we have done something wrong. This generally happens because we are scared of being punished and/or ridiculed. I guess that the reality is that things are rarely black white with almost everything being varying shades of grey. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Expectations

Expectations that are unarticulated, misunderstood, selfish and/or unreasonable inevitably sound the death knell of all types and forms of relationships. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Introspection

Self-introspection is something we should all do regularly. Unfortunately only the emotionally, intellectually and morally courageous amongst us actually do. Most of us are intellectual, emotional and moral cowards. Having said that all of us are capable of developing intellectual, emotional and moral courage; it just takes a desire to do so and a willingness to bear the discomfort of bad feelings in order to acknowledge and accept them as opposed to ignoring and suppressing them. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Communication

The silent treatment is not an effective form of communication; it is an abusive form of communication much like anger or disgust. It is far more damaging than anger or disgust in that by employing the silent treatment we are ignoring another human being’s basic need to be acknowledged. Ignoring someone is one of the most nasty, insidious forms of bullying wherever it occurs whether it is at school, at work or in a relationship. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Emotions

Batteries, magnets, transformers etc work because they have both positive and negative. In order for us to work well we should welcome, embrace and understand all of our emotions both positive and negative. Very briefly this means acknowledging the lasting nature of positive emotions due to their solid foundation and understanding that negative emotions will pass due to having no real foundation. Our emotions are after all a part us and to deny any of them would be to deny ourselves. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Love and In Love

“What is the difference between ‘love’ and ‘in love’?” is a frequently asked question. My current answer is that being ‘in love’ is all about intensity; the highs are dizzying, the lows debilitating. Being ‘in love’ may be non-sexual or sexual. ‘Love’ is much more stable and comfortable; it generates a secure, constant, warm, fuzzy feeling. It is possible to ‘love’ without being ‘in love’ and vice versa. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Losing the Relationship, The People Or Both

An interesting aspect of relationship loss is that a relationship may be lost and people retained, people may be lost and a relationship retained or both the people and relationship lost; this isn’t as confusing as it first sounds. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Termination

Relationship loss is an inevitable aspect of life. We lose relationships all the time due to circumstances beyond the control of ourselves and those we have relationships with. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Transition

Transition begins with letting go of something; too often we forget this axiom, believing that the transition begins with the third stage — New Beginnings. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Loss

Relationship loss is an inevitable part of our lives. The first relationship we lose is the total dependency we have on our parents round about the age of 2-3. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter

Relationship…for most of us the narrow definition of this word is romance and represents the bonds we make and break as we seek for that special one. We all know at some level that relationships are so much more than this – our initial parent-child, our siblings and other family, our friends, our work colleagues, our social acquaintances, our own child-parent etc. Continue reading

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