Tag Archives: communication

Relationships Matter – Recovery

As far as I can make out it is often the trivial stuff which causes the kind of relationship damage that leads to relationship breakdown. It also appears that it is often the serious stuff that actually cements and strengthens … Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Judgement

Appropriately Articulate Assumptions. Judge others the same way you would like to be judged. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Pain

Emotional pain, or hurt, varies in intensity from the slightly uncomfortable to so searing as to feel unbearable. Blaming others or circumstance for hurt and pain is common. The sole custodian of emotions is the person who owns them and, consequently, ultimately responsible for how they feel. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Blame

In my opinion blame should be avoided at all costs. Most of us are quick to find fault elsewhere and slow to admitting fault in ourselves. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Conflict

Conflict may be described as “a state of opposition between persons or ideas or interests” – Source wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn. Once we have encountered someone they are permanently recorded in our memory and not forgotten unless we suffer some sort of catastrophic, irreversible memory loss. Whenever we encounter someone, however briefly, we establish a relationship that we never really “lose”. It continues to exist in one of four states – Harmony, Triggers, Conflict or Resolution. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Negotiation

Because we all have a unique perspective on life negotiation and, by extension, compromise are crucial parts of all of our relationships with other people. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Personalities

A key aspect of having effective relationships is the recognition of the multiple personalities within us and within others. In extreme cases these multiple personalities manifest in the form of severe mental illness such as multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia. Fortunately for most of us, experiences of these psychological extremes are rare occurrences. Anybody who has been through severe emotional distress such as denial, anger, grief etc will have experienced these extremes even if just for the briefest of moments. These temporary extremes can be described as altered states which can also be caused by stimulants, relaxants, and depressants (e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, drugs etc). Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Decisions

There only truly wrong decision is deciding not to make a decision. Deciding to do nothing is not always a wrong decision. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Dishonesty

As kids we are taught that we must always tell the truth but when aunty asks mum “does my bum look big in this?” and mum says “no” when in fact it does look big we get confused. We have been introduced to the “white lie”. Another area where we begin being dishonest as kids is that of admitting we have done something wrong. This generally happens because we are scared of being punished and/or ridiculed. I guess that the reality is that things are rarely black white with almost everything being varying shades of grey. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Perspective

The unique combination of our nature and nurture results in the development of our own unique sense of reality or the way we see the world. Even where it appears that we agree that we’re seeing the same thing, e.g. an apple, our perceptions will be different even if only subtly so. One person may be disgusted because the apple evokes memories of being force fed fruit when a child, while in another warm memories of time spent in the orchard on their parent’s farm may be evoked. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Expectations

Expectations that are unarticulated, misunderstood, selfish and/or unreasonable inevitably sound the death knell of all types and forms of relationships. Continue reading

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Relationships Matter – Communication

The silent treatment is not an effective form of communication; it is an abusive form of communication much like anger or disgust. It is far more damaging than anger or disgust in that by employing the silent treatment we are ignoring another human being’s basic need to be acknowledged. Ignoring someone is one of the most nasty, insidious forms of bullying wherever it occurs whether it is at school, at work or in a relationship. Continue reading

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