Relationships Matter – Loss

Relationship loss is an inevitable part of our lives. The first relationship we lose is the total dependency we have on our parents round about the age of 2-3. When we start kinder or school we lose the relationship based on the constant presence of our parents as we spend more time separated from them. As we move on through life, in addition to family, we lose relationships with friends, teachers, partners, work colleagues etc. Many of us treat losing relationships as an awful thing. While it may feel bad, losing relationships is an essential part our development; it is character forming and help us to learn how to deal with loss. An interesting aspect of relationship loss is that a relationship may be lost without losing the person that the relationship was with. For example when a work colleague becomes a friend the previous relationship is lost and a new relationship starts.

It is commonly held that whenever we lose something we experience five stages of grief over the loss. The five stages are, in no particular order:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. (July 8, 1926 – August 24, 2004) a Swiss-born psychiatrist is generally credited with indentifying these five stages in her 1969 book ‘On Death and Dying’; read more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief and http://www.personal-development-course.com/stages-of-grief.html. While the five stages were initially associated with death and dying they have come to be generally accepted to occur when any form of loss is experienced.

When we lose a relationship it is helpful to be aware of these five stages as we move towards accepting the loss and preparing ourselves properly for moving on. This allows us to be angry, cry, recognise when we’re in denial and of course most importantly be aware of when we have finally accepted the loss. We can then get on with the business of moving on or transition.

Stay strong and serene.